In a song about Superman, The Spin Doctors inadvertently underscore two universal truth about journalists… we’re superheroes and we’re hot. Even if dating us gets a little bit complicated.

“I’ve got it so bad for this little journalist”

-”Jimmy Olsen’s Blues” by The Spin Doctors

This one’s a newish song with a shout-out to our kissin’ cousins over at public radio.

“You don’t like anything on local radio
so you fumble around ’til you land on NPR
and listen to world news.”

-”World News” by Local Natives

“He’s a WHAT? he’s a WHAT?
He’s a newspaper man
and he gets his best ideas
from a newspaper stand.”

-”Dancing Choose” by TV on the Radio

Sometimes this is how I feel at the end of the week, after typing up five days worth of “other news” headlines…

“And that’s part of our world tonight,
for the CBS evening news, Dan Rather reporting.
Good night, and have a great weekend.”

-”Rocked by Rape” by The Evolution Control Committee

Rocked By Rape

The Evolution Control Committee | MySpace Music Videos

I want to sing this one every night at 6 p.m. when I see the red “On Air” lights flash on in the newsroom.

“Here is the news
Coming to you every
hour upon the hour
The weather’s fine but there
may be a meteor shower.”

-”Here is the News” by ELO

Now on to a couple of un-lovesongs to journalists, especially rock journalists. They make me think of that scene in Almost Famous…”Here I am, telling secrets to the one guy you don’t tell secrets to.”

First up, “Ballad of a Thin Man.” The Bob Dylan version has been scrubbed from YouTube (Thanks, Sony) so you get the Stephen Malkmus cover…

“You have many contacts
Among the lumberjacks
To get you facts
When somebody attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect.”

-”Ballad of a Thin Man” by Bob Dylan

Then, there’s this. Those that can’t do… write?

“Hey, Mr. Reporter,
How ’bout talking about yourself?
Do you like what you’re doing,
Or is it that you can do nothing else?”

-”Mr. Reporter” by the Kinks

No news is bad news? Bad news is good news? Hmm….

“I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh.”

-”A Day in the Life” by the Beatles

That’s all good and well, but who among us actually reads or writes the news these days? What is it we’re actually doing? Well, I’m glad you asked. We…

“Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
load it, check it, quit – rewrite it,
plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
drag and drop it, zip – unzip it.”

-”Technologic” by Daft Punk

It’s been slushing around in my head since about 10 p.m. on Saturday night, when a back-yard barbecue spilled over into my kitchen for a zany throw-back dance party.

It’s a pretty accurate reflection of my state of mind lately. When I was unemployed and shuffling between my parents’ house and a friend’s walk-in closet, I swore if I could just get a job and pay my bills, I’d never ask the universe for another thing.

Four months later, I’ve got a job and a house and enough interesting people around to keep me entertained. So, I renege… I wish I had a job with better hours… I wish I made more money…  I wish I had tighter abs and clearer skin and a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ‘64 Impala…

Consider yourself infected with this ridiculous beat.

“I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a ‘64 Impala”
-”I Wish” by Skee-Lo

He also has a knack for unintentionally saying really depressing things in a cheerful tone of voice, but that doesn’t have anything to do with Friday night’s treat… the honky-tonk rockabilly tunes of crooner Eilen Jewell at the IOTA Club in Arlington.

She had a perfect song for this poor, lonely rambler girl’s playlist about poverty.

“Well it’s a rich man’s world, a rich man’s world
And who am I in it
Who am I in it
Nothing but a lonely rambler girl
A lonely rambler girl

Misfit, mismatched, not a penny to my name
Trying to get to someplace that doesn’t look the same”

-”Rich Man’s World by Eilen Jewell

And in the interest of documenting the the circular infinity of the universe, she also sang a song called “Shakin’ All Over” that I heard on another of spontaneous concert adventure with James….

“The tax man’s taken all my dough,
And left me in my stately home,
Lazing on a sunny afternoon,
And I can’t sail my yacht,
He’s taken everything I’ve got,
All I’ve got’s this sunny afternoon.”

-”Sunny Afternoon” by the Kinks

“Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don’t they help themselves? oh.
But when the taxman come to the door,
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes.”

But, I got to thinking, as I do every so often… about how most of their tunes are for the low down, down and out. Here’s what Willy and the Poor Boys have for us:

There’s Lodi…

“Rode in on the Greyhound
I’ll be walkin’ out if I go
I was just passin’ through
Must be seven seven months or more
Ran out of time and money
Looks like they took my friends
Oh ! Lord I’m stuck in Lodi again”

And The Working Man

“Well, I was born on a Sunday,
By Thursday I had me a job,
I was born on a Sunday,
By Thursday,
I was working out on the job,
I ain’t never had no day off,
Since I learned right from wrong.”

Penthouse Pauper, too:

“I’m the penthouse pauper;
I got nothin’ to my name.
I’m the penthouse pauper; baby,
I got nothing to my name.
I can be most anything,
’cause when you got nothin’ it’s all the same.”

And if you’re looking to just dance your destitution, try on Poorboy Shuffle

” ‘Cause it burns being broke, hurts to be heartbroken,
and always being both must be a drag.”

-The Hold Steady

Two additional notes– I was devastated that I couldn’t find the video with the flying toast for this song with embedding enabled. It’s adorable.

Second, I understand that this song is on the soundtrack for a certain Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Zooey Deschanel indie chickflick and I must defend my cred by letting you know that I heard it long before that. Like, 500 years. At least.

[In fact, I have not even seen said film because (true story) I went to see it alone one night in Chicago and I followed a cute boy in Ray-Bans into the wrong theater and ended up seeing In The Loop instead. I spent the first 30 minutes trying to figure out why everyone was British and how they managed to get a PG-13 rating with that much cursing…

“But in the meantime I’ve got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow
Watching the fire as we grow old”

-Feist

“Now I got a job,
But it don’t pay.
I need new clothes,
I need somewhere to stay.
But without all of these things I can do,
But without your love I won’t make it through.”

-The Clash

“World at war
Final score
Media come and abhor us

As these are hard times
We’ll work harder, harder
Through these hard times
I’ll work harder, harder”
-Patrick Wolf

I’m so fond of this song that it shows up twice on my exercisin’ playlist. It’s so dark and tense and exhilarating that by the first chorus, I imagine that I’m diving under lasers and doing a death-tango with James Bond. It was also a pretty popular tune around “Dignity House” last fall when the roommates and I were feeling the pre-graduation hard times.

Listen for the chorus to come in around 2:20 and then the big swell and finish. Gives me goosebumps every time, which is sorta nice on the treadmill, actually.

Mrs. Henry and me

“Please, Missus Henry,
Missus Henry, please!
I’m down on my knees
An’ I ain’t got a dime.”

-Bob Dylan

This is one of our top two favorite songs about Henrys here at Hankincents.

It shares the distinction, of course, with “Henry The Eighth, I Am” by Herman’s Hermits.

This particular Henryesque tune is a delightfully slurred plea to a Mrs. Henry, who seems to be the barkeep or a landlady, to come scrape a drunken soul off the floor.

It’s certainly not the best song on The Basement Tapes. But I can’t help loving it, especially because I’ve got my own benevolent Mrs. Henry innkeeper landlady bartender (mom) doin’ right by me, while I ain’t got a dime.